Saturday, January 2, 2016

Grief

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I don't even want to write it, but I may be silent for awhile, and I always wonder and worry when people go silent, so I wanted to give an explanation.
I lost my best friend ever on Thursday night. For anyone who remembers Dylan had some health issues when I first moved back to Seattle, and ever since he has had good and bad days. But this past week his health rapidly declined. He wouldn't eat, and on Thursday afternoon he couldn't take more than five steps without collapsing. he was also meowing/crying out, and just no longer seemed to be comfortable at all. Even though I knew deep down I had limited time left with him, this all happened so rapidly I wasn't really prepared. I don't know how to live in a world without Dylan. I almost don't remember life before him, and I have no interest in a life after. I can't imagine ever sleeping in my bed again. He was in my bed for seventeen years. I've spent all of my life single, with a few serious live -in relationships here and there, but it's mostly been me and Dylan.
In case no one has noticed I don't talk a lot of family and that's because I don't have too many good stories, and to say my family is shattered is being mild. It's pretty much me against the world. Dylan was my family.
I can hardly breathe or think straight right now, and it's like I have grey glasses on. I have so much to say, but I can't say it. I haven't even fully accepted this. I want to delete this post, because this is making it more real.
I don't know when I will be back. I am taking things minute by minute. I feel paralyzed and just everything bad.
Seventeen years is both a long time, and not nearly long enough.

10 comments:

  1. Those of us who have been through this understand and feel your grief. I lost my best friend when he died at seventeen and it was the most painful thing that I have ever gone through. Please know that you will get through this and later on be able to remember all of the good things. You also have your other kitty babies to look after now. Bless you and know that many of us are thinking of you at this time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so sorry to hear about dear, sweet Dylan. I only met him through your writing and photographs, but it is clear how much you loved him, and how much he loved you. I'm sending hugs your way, and thoughts of comfort and peace.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm not close to my family either. Fur family is sometimes better. It's the long time you shared together that made life worth living - you depend on each other and you don't even remember how life was before they came into yours. Who was luckier, you or Dylan? I'm truly sorry for you loss. Your heart will ache for what seems like forever until one day you actually notice that the sun is shining. You'll feel its warmth on your face and you'll feel ready to embrace life again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I haven't had to deal with loosing a pet/friend who has been in my life for longer than a few years. So I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I, too, have been through this situation and it helped to focus on the babies that are still here. They may not be as great as Dylan, but still want and need your love.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so sorry! My heart bleeds for you! It IS the hardest thing! Snowflake was my best friend and other sister! She came into my life when I was 3 and I lost her when I was 24...yes...she was 21 years old! My human sister and her were within a year apart in age! Then when DH and I got married we adopted Sammy...he was 9 at the time and we had 9 wonderful years with him...he was my soulmate. Snowflake was my sister and Sammy my soulmate! A few years later we lost our Gabby and then our Suzie! Furkids leave paw prints that is for sure! HUGS - drop me an email if you want or need to - I'm thinking about ya!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sorry for your loss. As pet parents, this is something that we have to endure. I hope that you can remember the good times with Dylan and think of the joy that you brought one another.
    Take time to heal and love your other fur babies (it does help) as their love is unconditional.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so sorry for your loss, yet greatful you had so many years together.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey there! Just checking in...been thinking about you! Continued HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so so sorry for your loss. It truly is the hardest thing to go through but I am sending lots of positive thoughts your way. It will take some time but you will heal and you still have all of your beautiful memories.

    ReplyDelete