Saturday, December 10, 2016

I just Can't Quit You Guys!!!

I wanted to share this video because I know I'm not the only person without health insurance. This is the YouTuber I mentioned before that I've been Emailing with. I think she is so brave to be so open and honest on the interwebz. She is fearless. I've been watching a lot of her videos on Hashimotos and hypothyroidism. I find it helpful just to not feel alone and so scared and hopeless. I feel like I will learn more from her than a doctor anyway. I remember when I had my eating disorders I found it hard to take anything any therapists said seriously because all though they were trained in dealing with those issues, they had never themselves dealt with it. Kind of hard to relate or respect someone when you feel like you're just part of a trial.
I also wanted to apologize to all of my anonymous commenters but this morning I disabled anonymous comments from this blog. I hope it's only temporary, as I start to feel better and can handle mean bullies I will switch back. I've had this blog for a little over three years and have had nothing but support and feel that I've made some amazing friends. But ever since I denounced Dump as president, there is one anonymous person who is driving me insane. I already mentioned the email they sent me, accusing me of having no compassion for people,  and tons of other horrible things. I was bullied in school by both students and teachers and I am very sensitive to bullying. Add to that my very depressed mental state I can't handle it. I know I need to be stronger but right now I can't. And as I've been reading up on hypothyroidism, I've learned that stress is very bad for this disease. Depression is a symptom also, so I have depression on top of depression. This anonymous person left a toxic comment on yesterday's post, and even though I know I shouldn't have responded I did. I want to make it clear that I don't expect everyone to agree with me.  We're humans not robots of course we all have different opinions. I consider myself to be very open minded. But I am not okay with myself, or anyone who reads this blog and comments getting attacked. There is a big difference between the two. This person reminds me of my adoptive dad. If you say something he doesn't like he just annihilates you. I remember years ago before gay marriage was mostly legal getting in a debate with Michael, and he made me feel like the worst person in the world for thinking gay marriage should be legal. He said that I am okay with incest, and child molestation if I agree with gay marriage. He attacked me for some time until I hung up on him. I remember I had to go to work and I was a blubbering mess. Maybe this anonymous person is him, who knows.
It's all a reminder to be careful with our words. Words hurt, and they stay with us. With so much hate and horrible hate crimes going on, it's even more important to be kind, and not go for someone's jugular.
Before I sign off I wanted to show these pictures of this house I randomly stumbled across when I was walking around last week. It's so cheerful and bright it made me smile. It also made me want to knock on the door and meet the owners. I wonder how the rest of the neighborhood feels about it, I've heard stories about how other homeowners can be. Either way I think it's so cheerful and optimistic!

Happy Caturday everyone! I wish for there to be as much love in the world as these girls have for each other and I for them!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Maybe I'm Back After All!

There's nothing like a big plate of injustice to make me take another break from my break. I guess it's hard to feel depressed about being alone on the holidays when this is going on. I could have it a lot worse. If you have a few minutes, please watch this video. A little off topic, but if Cenk were a vegan (and also not married with kids) he would be my number one dream man. He is so passionate and intelligent and speaks from the heart. He is a lawyer, and interestingly enough, he used to be a republican, albeit a moderate republican but still!! I feel terrified that we live in a world where jurors, or anyone can watch that video and say that the shooting was justified. We live in such a scary time.
Don't worry, as I mentioned before I will still be talking about vegan food and vegan issues. Animals are and always will be my number one priority. I just haven't been eating exciting food. My appetite has been on the low side, and I'm also trying to figure out this whole hypothyroidism thing out. I've been emailing with someone who has this issue, and she said two things that must be cut out are gluten and caffeine. Apparently caffeine attacks your adrenal glands which has something to do with your thyroid, and gluten does something weird too. I have been a caffeine addict since I was twelve years old!! I started sneaking coffee from my mom at twelve, and I remember my step dad used to tease me about it stunting my growth. About seven years ago I switched to green tea, but that still has caffeine. For the past week I've been only having one cup of green tea, and then if I want more tea I have herbal. To say I have brain fog is an understatement. When you are depressed and sluggish, no caffeine is HARD!! But at the same time, it feels great to be giving up something that has had a hold on me for so many years!  I'm struggling with going gluten free, but I have to be honest I've been free of gluten for a few days and I do feel a difference. I also read that shoulder stands in yoga stimulate the thyroid, so I've been doing lots of those.
I really want to thank everyone for the support and friendship. The loneliness and hurt I feel is overwhelming, and the comments make my day so much brighter I can never really express my gratitude. Maybe that's why I keep taking a break from my break!
Happy Friday!!

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

This Needs To Stop

I had to take a break from my break and post this. This makes me so incredibly sick I can hardly breathe. This is our country. I am so sick of hearing people whine and bitch about football players who are taking a knee during the national anthem at football games. This guy was RUNNING AWAY. The cop planted the taser. This man was scared of the police as anyone of color should be.
Although ever since I started this blog I have spoken out against racism, and on my last post I spoke of my adoptive parents being horrible racists, I've never mentioned this. My adoptive dad is a magistrate, he sits in as a judge in court cases. A JUDGE!! And he hates anyone who isn't a white Christian. He also is the head of HR at a company in Erie that deals with mental health and has various centers for drug and alcohol addiction. What I'm saying is he has some amount of power over certain situations and people. And my adoptive mom used to be a therapist which is how I met her(I was her client gourd help me) and now she works as a nurse at a place that treats low income, homeless and mentally ill patients. To hear her talk about the patients, and her stories of what she and her bitchy coworkers say about the clients is enough to make me gag for the rest of my life.
When I was a kid, my step dad was an electrical engineer for some railroad company. We lived in Ohio, but he often had to travel to West Virginia. He used to come home and tell stories of the ignorant bigoted people he encountered. So I had it in my head that racists were only hillbillies, and so although it's disgusting, they're just hillbillies. But unfortunately I have learned that there are college educated people in power who have no empathy, and have hate in their heart and they have power over certain situations.
As I mentioned on my last post I am taking the rest of December off because I am an emotional mess, but I want everyone to know that when I come back I will be not only talking about veganism, I will be talking about racism. I can not and will not just let these incidents fly over my head and not say or do anything about it.
We have a president who whether he really is racist or not, he ran his campaign on hate and racism. He has made hate and racism acceptable, and would rather tweet about SNL hurting hims precious feelings than address the fear and hate he has created. 
I don't know what the answer is, racism is deep and often handed down and taught from generation to generation. It's hard to change people's minds. And while it's sweet to say love trumps hate, tell that to the families of people so deeply harmed by racism. But I know the answer for me is to take a stand, just like I have by being a vegan. When I come back after this month is over, I will do my part to fight the ignorance and hate, and I won't be silenced no matter how many anonymous people come after me.
Black Lives Matter.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Taking Some Time to Heal

If you have an extra seven minutes, this is an incredibly uplifting video. This man is one of my new heroes. I am agnostic for several reasons that are personal, but I will share one reason. My adoptive parents are Christians. Pentecostal to be exact. As soon as they adopted me it was expected that I would just fall into their way of thinking. They are judgmental, and they rest on their religious laurels and somehow forgive themselves because Jesus while condemning others. My adoptive dad has never met a slur he doesn't love. He calls women he doesn't like the c word(sorry I loathe that word, it's so ugly) he uses the N word on the regular, and has the most grotesque things to say about Hispanics. It's horrifying. He basically hates anyone who isn't a white Christian. Although Denise doesn't necessarily use those words, she feels the same way. The amount of hate he carries in his heart is shocking, disgusting and completely depressing. I am ashamed that I have their last name to be honest. I actually wish I had the money to reverse my adoption, but lawyers aren't cheap. Maybe one day. Anyway, I'm saying all of this to say that when I used to speak with them, hearing them get on their Christian high horse and put down people who aren't Christian is enough to make me laugh and also cry. I went to their church once when I lived in PA and it was nothing but a sea of white. This man to me represents what a true Christian is. I think a lot of so called Christians I've met in my day could learn a few lessons here.
In other news, I am taking the rest of December off from blogging. The holidays are followed by my birthday, followed by New Year's Eve which will be the one year anniversary of the passing of my best friend Dylan. As the date is coming up, I seriously don't know how I've gone a year without my sweet friend. In addition my mental health is deteriorating. I am a mess and I can't keep it together. I don't want to be a negative force in this world. I want to be positive, and spread light, but I am living in the dark and have been for awhile.
I also need to figure out my health situation. I've reached out to a YouTuber I watch, Banana Wisdom who has Hashimotos disease for advice. While doing my research I discovered that ninety percent of women with hypothyroidism also have hashimoto's.Jeannine told me that doctors rarely test for hashimotos because the symptoms and treatments are the same. Anyway, I discovered her channel awhile ago and she seems to be healing herself through diet and self care, not medicine. So she and I have been e mailing and she's going to give me some tips and suggestions.
Hopefully I will be back at the start of the new year feeling physically and mentally stronger.
I also might give this blog a face lift. Animal rights and veganism is and ALWAYS will be my number one passion, but I am also interested in fighting racism, and the upcoming Trumpification of America. So I might change things up, but I have to think about that once I'm not drowning in depression.
Also, my anonymous critic is back. They left a sarcastic question about me not having Obama care on my last post. I am hyper sensitive to bullying, and I feel bullied by this person after the email they sent me. I was bullied in school for years. Like the kind of bullying that makes a lot of kids commit suicide. I know as an adult that if you state your opinions, people are going to go for the jugular. But right now I can't handle it. I know I shouldn't be even writing this, because they're going to leave another nasty ass comment. They even have attacked other people who read and comment, but I deleted those comments. I just don't feel safe. It isn't that I have a problem with someone disagreeing it's that I have a problem being personally attacked by an anonymous person who doesn't even know me. When I see a comment pop up in my inbox from unknown or anonymous, my stomach and heart hurt. Trockwood, I'm always so relieved when it's you!!! Stress is very bad for hypothyroidism, and also depression so right now I need to heal.
I have been overwhelmed by the kindness and support from the majority. I was so scared to start this blog. For thise of you who have been reading from the jump, remember when I didn't even know how to post pictures?? Yet you still read and commented and supported and it has meant so much. Emotional support is something that has been lacking in my life for years, and it has meant so much. Not to mention I wouldn't be here with my remaining kitties without you. As anonymous pointed out, I'm here "on the purse strings of others(gofundme) so I have a lot to be grateful for.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to become such a novel. I hope everyone has an amazing holiday season full of love and friends and family, and not to mention delicious vegan food!
I'll still be reading and commenting on everyone's blogs and once I feel stronger and healthier I'll be back. I want to leave with this quote I found on twitter that really made me smile.
"People of character do the right thing even if no one else does, not because they think it will change the world, but because they refuse to be changed by the world" - Michael Josephson