I want to apologize because I feel like all week I've been blah, blah, blahing and having a hard time connecting to my point. The truth of the matter is starting at the end of last week, and going strong into this week winter has come very early where I live. I'm talking February style weather, snow, ice temperatures in the teens, single digits, and maybe low twenties if a heat wave is passing through. I am devastated. Last year was truly the worst winter I have ever lived through, but it didn't start getting into apocalypse territory until Jan. or Feb. My heart is breaking for Al, and all of the other homeless animals. I haven't seen Al since last week, and I haven't seen anyone for days. I can only put out crunchy food, unless I see one of the kitties, because wet food freezes in like five minutes. This is such bullshit for them. I wish so much I could snatch them as easily as I did Robin. I would put the feral ones in my attic, which although not heated, there is no wind, and then I would release them in the spring. Between worrying about them, and dealing with my own misery, I am kind of a mess. I am truly depressed, so much so that I actually contemplated (for a minute) that maybe I should take some kind of seasonal anti-depressant. I of course came to my senses quickly. Anyway, I'm sorry if I sometimes don't make sense, and I guess we're in for a long winter, so I will also apologize for all of my future ramblings. In addition to the early winter invasion, I sometimes think going for days upon days upon days without really connecting with anyone is starting to make me lose it. I talk to co-workers, people on/waiting for the bus, etc. but all of it is mindless small talk, and truth be told the majority of the time I'm listening to stuff that I don't agree with, and in most cases is actually offensive to me, and hurts my feelings. I have never felt so unsafe to be myself. I'm so glad I don't partake in alcohol at the moment cause a) I would be getting trashed ALL the time and b) I would for sure get beat up at a bar, because I get a little sassy when I drink, and it would just be a bloody mess. Literally bloody.
Anyway, I'm grateful that as bad as I feel, I am not drowning myself in alcohol and nicotine, or Pills and Potions, as Niki Minaj sings. It makes it easier to combat depression, winter blues, or a funk, to be kind and loving to yourself.
Please send good thoughts, strength, or prayers, whatever you believe to all of the homeless animals really dealing with the harsh elements. I don't know how they do it, but I wish I could provide comfort in some way.