Grateful for Progress

I have to apologize because I feel like my blog took on a more negative tone than what I want, and I want to be a positive force in this world, not negative. So I definitely don't want to bring anyone down, and I apologize if I did.
That being said, I also started this blog because I want to spread the message of veganism, but I also selfishly started it as a way for me to get happy and healthy, and part of that is expressing how you feel, and if venting on my blog is going to help me stay on the path of no cigarettes, than I am always going to try to make the healthy choice. This week has been super challenging for me, and I'm still learning how to cope with life without smoking and drinking the feelings away and it is hard, especially when you live in a place where being unhealthy and miserable is celebrated, and anything else is weird. So this week I am battling that side of me saying " if you can't beat em, join em. "
I also think that maybe some people out there may not know how much of a fight we have on our hands. When I lived in Seattle, I certainly didn't know that racism was still this bad. I lived in the wonderful bubble of Seattle and was completely unaware that there are parts of  America that don't care about the environment, don't care about human rights or animal rights. So this has been very eye opening.
I'm also aware of my own hypocrisy, as I scream tolerance and compassion, yet I have no tolerance or compassion for intolerant people full of isms, so I guess that's a flaw I have to work on. I don't know if anyone has been face to face with hate, but I have and when someone is looking you in the eye and ranting using the  n word to describe people, it's a dark place, and I don't know if I will ever be able to have compassion for that mindset. Maybe I will just have to let myself be a hypocrite on this one.
So I guess I'm apologizing, but also saying that I can't promise I won't be venting again because I am fighting to keep my sanity, and continue down a more fulfilling path, and as pathetic as it sounds to my own ears, this blog is pretty much all I have right now to air my feelings as I have an almost non-existent support system.(hi Drew)
Now onto gratitude. 1) I'm grateful that I feel a little bit stronger today than I did yesterday 2) I'm grateful that I have a safe place to call home 3) I'm grateful for my wonderful grandparents who were my everything when I was a child, and I believe they helped make me who I am today as they always celebrated my love of animals and their three dogs, Muffy, Angel, and  Lucy always made me so happy.