As I've mentioned for a few months I have been doing raw till 4, (for the most part) and really stepping up my workouts. I'm striving for inner health and happiness. But of course I'm hoping on my way to health that I lose the weight that years of living excessively put on.
I have been feeling somewhat frustrated that the weight has not been falling off as fast as I had imagined. As a matter of fact, the other day I kind of let those old "feeling fat" thoughts creep back in my head. I felt like giving up on my quest. I will never give up veganism, but I thought why keep working so hard when all your doing is hitting a wall. It was a very rough day, and I kept thinking of the guy who not to long ago said to my face that he was surprised to hear I was vegan, since he always expected vegans to be very thin. I was stunned, and I was at work so I couldn't cry, tell him off, slap his face, or any combo of the three.
I had to really take a minute to calm myself down, and think of something Freelee the Banana Girl always says which is that you are healing yourself, and your body after however many years of abuse, and it is a process. Although I couldn't shake the feeling of frustration altogether, I was able to stop myself from a total meltdown.
So now I am working on taking my ego out of the equation, so I can focus all my energy on continued health. Because the truth is that I feel great! I feel strong, and I feel proud because I am really sticking to this and I can see muscle, and my clothes do fit better, so is it worth it to get all worked up over not being skinny, and something some person with no manners said to me? The answer is no. At this stage of my life, health trumps looks. I just want to be healthy and strong so that I can be a shining example of how wonderful your life is when you are vegan.
We tend to want things immediately, and we've forgotten the art of patience. I'm going to work on bringing that into my life, as I think patience will serve me well in all areas of life. So I've decided two things. One is I choose to believe Freelee, that more changes in my body will happen, and the other, more important is that I am okay even if I never have a bod like Freelee, cause I only need to be healthy and strong to save animals. Having gone from an eating disorder/obsession with how I looked, to going the opposite way and drinking too much and not caring at all, finding the middle ground is tough!
I want to save animals, not obsess over my body.
Now in my quest for happiness, today is day two of my twenty-one day gratitude challenge, so here are today's three things I'm grateful for. 1) I am grateful that today I get to hang out with dogs. 2) I am so grateful for all the vegan blogs, and vegan YouTube channels that have taught me so much, and are my support system for this time of my life when I have none. 3) I'm grateful that despite how horrible I have been to myself over the years, I am healing and bouncing back. Our bodies are pretty amazing. I'm only on day two, but I do think this is working, I felt a little extra bounce in my step yesterday, and I was humming way more than usual as I was shampooing the pooches!
Have a beautiful day!