Ever since the end of summer, I've been battling the blues more than usual, so much so that fall has brought nothing but dread to my heart. Last year I was new to a snow belt type winter, and was able to enjoy pumpkin, the beautiful colors of the leaves changing, sweaters, soups, and everything else that comes with fall. But now that I know what's coming next, I can hardly breathe. And from what everyone, including the Farmer's Almanac has said, we are in for another brutal winter. Now, as I see the leaves falling, I see death and isolation. The crisp air is just an appetizer to the brutal, bitter, daring you to live cold air that is about to come. I don't know if anyone has ever, or does watch The Walking Dead, but the first couple of episodes which happen right after the zombies have taken over, every city is just so barren and dead feeling, and every living human is so isolated. Well, last winter there were so many days that I felt that same feeling. It felt like something had come through and caused a lot of death and despair.
I can't stop crying for the stray cats that I feed. I've been trying to buy the best quality food that I can afford to try to give them a fighting chance. I've been trying to gain their trust all summer, hoping I could at least get them to a shelter, but while they no longer run away from me, they all still keep thei distance, and are no where near letting me touch them. What a terrible way to live. It really breaks my heart, because I know that there are poor homeless animals all over this city, and what about the ones who don't have a food source?
I've tried to bring up the discussion a few times with local people, and I have gotten two responses, neither one has been helpful. One brilliant response is "oh, you worry about the animals, but who cares about the homeless people." I didn't know that by worrying about animals, it means that you don't care about humans. And the other response I have gotten is " well, they're animals, they know where to find cover." Okay, what about warmth, and food? And furthermore, I want proof that all of the homeless animals have shelter. To me that is a fact people tell themselves so they don't have to worry about the problem, and they can get back to drinking and wallowing in their own problems.
I'm sorry this post is such a bummer. This morning is especially chilly, and it is just to the point of no return. Winter is coming, and no matter how many kick ass workouts I do , and no matter how much spinach I eat, I cannot fight that dick, Mother Nature and I can't talk to anyone about how I feel. I wish these kitties would let me help them find shelter, or I wish I wish, I wish. Hopeless and isolated are for sure not the greatest combo of feelings to deal with.
I feel like such a scrooge, because vegan or not vegan, the world has embraced fall, and Halloween, and for that matter Christmas, because at least where I live, most stores are already putting Christmas stuff up. I noticed this gem weeks ago, and the couple of times I've grumbled about it, people have given me the side eye, so apparently we are starting the Christmas stuff in September now. So I feel very at odds with society, even the vegan society.
I will find some kind of shelter to provide for these kitties if it kills me. It's not just the brutal cold I remember, it's also the hideous, biting wind that makes it even more hideous.
Well, to try to wrap things up with something that isn't totally a downer, Robin and I have made steps in our relationship! He sometimes sleeps in bed with me, like actually touching me (human cooties), and sometimes I have been able to pet him in rooms other than the kitchen, and at times other than meal time. I still get plenty of side eye from him, and I know he would prefer less human interaction, but we are making progress, and I feel pretty damn accomplished when he tolerates my touch! And pretty much all hissing has stopped, and all fur babies are living harmoniously.