I was doing a yoga video on YouTube last week, (Sara Beth yoga is the channel if you're interested.) and she said something that really spoke to me, and it's something I'm challenging myself to do. She said you have to let go of the old, to make room for the new. I practice that when it comes to clothing, household items, etc. but I don't think to do that emotionally. It made me realize I have to let go of some things, and I have to let go of some ways of handling stress and disappointment. I'm working towards being a healthier person, so I have to get rid of the funk to make way for the health. I know I need to work on maintaining my positive thinking, even when around negative people. That is something that has cursed me my whole life. I am very affected and drug down by negative people, and I can even think of times where I have allowed myself to be shamed for trying to have a positive outlook. And I want to fully drop all negative thoughts and behaviors of my own. I can only be fulfilled if I allow it, and have room for it. Have you ever noticed those older couples who just look so disgusted with life, each other, the world, that even something amazing like winning the lottery, or an exotic trip, or anything wonderful would barely bring a smile to their face? I have seen so many of those kind of people in my years as a server, and that is one of my biggest fears, getting to the point where you just accept misery, that's all you will ever know, and you are completely unavailable for joy. That ship has sailed.
Well, my ship hasn't sailed, not even close. My hope for myself is that on my deathbed, I'm still holding out for a solution to whatever has put me on my deathbed. I get in my moods where everything seems dark and hopeless, but so far those moods are always temporary, and I am actively working on making those moods appear less often. Especially because I can't change where I live as soon as I would like, and I certainly cannot end the isms that this city runs on, but I can work on my own reaction to them. It seems daunting, because I don't know how not to get physically ill when I hear such hateful bigotry, but I'm trying to learn, because I want to change things in this world.
Thee toxic, cynical, negative people change very little for the good.
Today I am grateful that I can vent about some upsetting things on this blog, and then let them go and not hold on to the negativity.