So I have been eating Raw till 4 for about five or six months, and I have really enjoyed the benefits, and I think increasing my fruit intake has really been beneficial. My cravings for sweets has decreased so much, and I feel happier naturally on days where I have eaten very fruit heavy. Especially strawberries, over the summer for a few weeks one of my local grocery stores was having an awesome sale on organic strawberries, and I always had an extra pep in my step on strawberry days. Along with eating a mostly raw diet, I also increased the intensity of my workouts. I started doing a lot more cardio, and workouts that seriously make me grunt and gasp, and I love it so much! I have always loved working out, however I lost sight of that a little when I decided to make alcohol and cigarettes my preferred coping mechanisms. So, although I don't have a "killer" bod or anything, I definitely have noticed some improvements. But really what is most important to me is that I feel so strong and so good, and I feel proud because I have really committed to finding health. As someone who has always been abusive to myself in one way or another, this feels huge. I feel like I am becoming someone who I never thought I would be, someone who likes themselves, and feels comfortable in their own skin, and confident when it comes to stating their beliefs. I am by no means there yet, but the fact that I have been consistently working towards it is huge.
Now that the temps have been consistently dropping, I have been really stressing over getting enough raw food in my diet. The fruit choices are dwindling by the day, and I cannot fathom a frozen smoothie first thing in the morning, or anytime in the morning for that matter, and it's only October, and the temps aren't even close to the winter apocalypse yet. I also can't imagine living on bananas, apples, and various citrus fruit for the next 3, 4, 5 months. Coming from a past of disordered, restrictive, and effed up eating habits that is just not something I am interested in, not to mention I cannot afford the volume needed to sustain that diet, a bag of oranges has to last me longer than one meal of juice. So, I've been experimenting with my diet a little, incorporating more cooked foods, and so far I feel fine. I have been juicing a little more, as juice is way easier to tolerate than a frozen smoothie, which by the way I also cannot do room temp smoothies. Hell to the no, I tried it thinking that would help but blech smoothies need to be cold, in my opinion. One trick I've learned that works for me is if I make a salad, and then either stuff it in a wrap that has been warmed a little, or in between a toasted baguette, it suddenly feels like a warmer meal, so I've been trying to that a few times a week, and I'm sure I will learn more tricks as time goes on that I will share as I learn. I think I'm learning to actually listen to my body, as in the warmer months there were weeks and weeks where I pretty much ate all raw food, without even thinking about it, because that was what felt natural in the heat. Even if you look at seasonal produce, most fall and winter vegetables need to be cooked in some way, again in my opinion. So, as long as I continue to feel good, am able to keep up and feel great doing my workouts, I see no reason to force myself to eat in a way that doesn't feel natural or fun. I also really love to cook, so I am happy to get back into that creative outlet. I look forward to sharing any recipes I come up with that might be delicious, sometimes I come up with a real winner, and I never write anything down, so it's hard to recreate, but a blog is a great reason to train myself to write things down!!
I want to say really quickly that if anyone reading this struggles with any type of self hating behavior, I want you to know that you can learn to be kind to yourself, and it feels so great. Like I said I never thought that I could love myself, but you have to love yourself, and you have to take care of yourself, because no one else will. I am going to write about my eating disorder story sometime, because I think it might help someone. I just have to find the courage, but when I do I will share. Self respect is so underrated!