Friday, July 18, 2014

Cats Rock my Kasbah

I complain about the city I live in a lot. Actually I have nothing positive to say about it. My mental health has suffered tremendously since moving here. I have no positive experiences to speak off since living here, and because of how horrible public transportation is, and how low places pay, my daily life is a million times more difficult than it was in Seattle. And let me tell you something I went through some rough patches in Seattle, so to say my life is harder now is crazy but true.
Through my years of living in Seattle, when I would hit a rough patch, my parents would try to talk me into moving back here, and seriously no matter how bad I had it, I would always resist. I call that my intuition, and you should always listen to you're intuition. I always stuck it out, and somehow I always was able to pull myself up and start over, and I always felt that I made the right choice.
Fast forward to about three or so years ago, I had hit yet another rough patch in my life, and I had recently started a new relationship with an old flame, (big mistake), and here come my parents wanting me to move back home. Well the old flame felt like maybe a change would be good, he was I think eager to try a new city, as he was born and raised in Seattle. So we make the move and I swear to you that my heart was hurting so bad the whole trip here, because I knew it was a mistake.
It took less than a week for us to realize wow, this place is weird and not in a good way. Neither one of us were really able to make any friends, which was strange, because both of us had many friends in Seattle, and are both friendly people. We noticed a complete lack of culture, we couldn't believe how scary it was to listen to the news, as the amount of gun violence made us sick. And we just noticed a toxicity to the people that was very hard to handle, and the struggle greatly affected our relationship. I also struggled to find a job that wasn't abusive. My top three worst jobs in my life have all been in this city, no joke. And I have had some pretty bad jobs, I've been sexually harassed, and verbally abused, and underpaid pretty much my entire working life, so yeah it's bad. I don't know if I can really explain what it feels like to have someone who is paying you $2.83 an hour think it is really okay to cuss at you at the top of his lungs in front of customers. It makes me realize why people snap, and I am a peace loving person.
Anyway, enough complaining, onto the reason I'm stuck, because the obvious solution to my problem is moving. Well, two summers ago, I noticed a stray kitty living under our neighbors van. Long story short, we decided to give her a home. A few weeks after we took her in, we noticed she was turning into a real chunk, and then the light bulb went off, and yes she was preggo! So she has a small litter of kittens, and I was pretty much her midwife when she gave birth. At this point things in my relationship were pretty terrible, and I had no friends to talk to, and my now ex was either ignoring me, or we were fighting and he was pretty vicious when we fought, so life was pretty rotten for me. The one high point in my life was these little kittens. What can I say I fell in love. My ex was telling me every day that we needed to find homes, and I did talk to a few people, but I didn't trust these people I talked too. To tell you the truth I don't like or trust the people where I live. A ton of people who live here hunt, and I have witnessed some mistreatment of animals and people act like you have a problem if you try to stop the mistreatment. It makes me sick. So it just got to the point where I realized I was keeping these kittens. Needless to say, the old flame packed up and moved back to Seattle. As much as I wish I could have packed up and moved back to Seattle, I know these kitties kind of saved me because I would have moved back to Seattle with him just to get out of this city. But the truth of the matter is my ex was emotionally abusive when he got angry, and I don't need that.
So now, I'm stuck. When I originally moved to Seattle, I had no pets so I could be reckless, and just move with no plan, which is what I did and it was amazing and taught me so much! But this time around I have to have shelter and all of those normal grown up things people do when they move.
I do feel stuck, and I wish I could find a solution to move, because I am so unhappy in this city and sometimes I feel like why am I even trying to find health and happiness when it seems impossible to sustain happiness. But Dylan and my other fur babies enrich my life, and I know none of them would just dump me off at a shelter, so I will never do that to them. I just need to keep washing all the dogs I can to try to save money. I know I can do it, because I know I have to.
I struggled financially in Seattle, but I struggle here to so living here not only has not improved my life, but like I struggle more on the daily here for sure, but I don't regret my choice to take on a larger fur family. Some of us need to balance out all of the people who won't open their homes or hearts to fur babies.
If anyone reads this sorry I feel like I was all over the place, but I feel better, and that is the point of getting things off of you're chest right?
And in case anyone is wondering, I definitely never planned to become a crazy cat lady, but ironically these cats are what keeps me sane in this city! And also if anyone is curious, you can have more than one cat and a clean house too I promise.

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