Thursday, June 26, 2014

The shame of happiness

Just like how when you quit smoking, you're taste buds and sense of smell really come alive, I've noticed when you are taking the steps toward happiness and inner health, you really become more sensitive to toxic people. I've noticed when I'm at work, people are chit chatting about what's going on, etc. and when I mention a particular workout, or how good I feel, or god forbid anything vegan related the looks on peoples faces is either total boredom, wtf, or "I wish she would just shut up" or sometimes a combo of all 3!  Which is really okay if you're not into what I'm into, but my problem is that I have to listen to gossip, bitching, this aches, that aches, "oh my lung hurts but I have to smoke a pack a day, let's get drunk tonight and so on and so forth. I have not come up with how to be surrounded by negativity and not absorb it. Even if I manage to not be a participant in the negativity, I still have to hear it, and since I'm a server, sometimes the customers can be a bit taxing, so I usually go home feeling very defeated, depressed, and probably a little toxic myself. I happen to live alone, but I'm sure if I had a partner/roommate, they would get an earful. I have made a promise to myself that even if I get temporarily pulled down, it's only for a short while and I actively work on pulling myself back up. That is usually where Eco-Vegan Gal, and Freelee the banana girl come in. Or sometimes it's reading a couple of my fave vegan blogs, anything to remind me that I'm not alone, and I don't have to sink to the dark side yet again. That I can and should keep doing what I'm doing because I feel great and I feel like I'm actively participating in my life and my health and it feels so great. This blog might be a mess right now but I'm learning everyday, and putting myself out there, and my body is sore in a good way from a hard workout, and I feel great after eating a ton of watermelon for breakfast! If this were 2 years ago, I would probably be nursing a hangover and on my 5th cigarette of the day. Even a year ago I wouldn't be dealing with a hangover, but I probably would have been on my 8th cigarette of the day. And although I have been vegan for over 5 years now, I haven't  always paid much attention to what my body needs. I say all of this to say that it is so sad that people aren't content to stew in their own funk, they want to funk everyone else too. Well my friends life is too short and I have spent entirely too much of my life in that world, and I can't go back. I truly want to be kind to myself and the earth, and of course animals and I want to help and encourage others. I can't stress it enough that you have to be kind to yourself  first. I swear I am not trying to be cheesy and say  that all you have to do is be kind to yourself and all the toxic people go to toxic island, but what I have truly learned from my experiences trying to fight negativity when I was engaging in toxic behavior myself, versus fighting it now that I am not engaging in toxic behavior now it is still hard to be around and always will be, but it's so much easier for me to bounce back now. It is a very noticeable improvement. I now have the ambition and strength to find ways to change my life, instead of feeling hopeless so I'm just going to drink, smoke, and bitch the night away. So if I can make this change I really know anyone can. I truly believe if people were happier the world would be a kinder place for everyone. We would care about the health and welfare of every one, people, animals, plants, the earth, space, water etc. Sorry went on a rant ha ha. If you're really stuck in a toxic place and you want out, it really has to start with taking the best care of yourself as possible. That gives you the strength to fight off as much negativity as possible, keep you're sanity, and put you're energy into finding ways to get more good vibes in you're life. In closing, if you feel alone, I cannot recommend YouTube enough! YouTube friends are better than no friends. And sometimes it's almost creepy when I'm feeling a little down, and Eco-Vegan Gal, or Freelee have posted videos that hit on topics that I really need to hear in that moment. YouTube is the new and cheaper therapy! Have a wonderful day, and if you read my ramblings thank you, and I hope you have a toxic free day!

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