Friday, June 13, 2014
So as I've mentioned I have a past of abusing myself in just about every way possible. I've been anorexic, bulimic, dabbled in cocaine, smoked cigarettes, drank way too much, and spent way too much time with unsavory people and dated men who were not exactly good for me. I have been trying to really figure out why I've hated myself all these years. And I've been working on loving myself. This has been a challenge for me. But I know I need to keep working because I know when you hate yourself you aren't putting a whole lot of good in the world. I've been eating a mostly raw diet, with a lot of focus on fruit and carbs[vegan of course] and I've been working out a ton and forcing myself to blog even though it's scary and I really don't know what I'm doing. But I really have been feeling great! But what I haven't figured out is how to deal with people and their toxicity infecting me. I had this issue last week where I went to work feeling so great and happy and boom people are smoking in my face and laughing about how long me not smoking will last, another co worker is calling someone the n word, and " the chef" is yelling at the top of his lungs for me to shut the fuck up because I had the audacity to come into the kitchen singing a song. It was pretty intense and I totally lost it on "the chef"! I yelled right back at him at the top of my lungs. I still have not been able to shake the negativity all the way. I know that we will always have to deal with negativity but I just have never been able to fight toxic people. I'm ashamed to say that in the past because of my own issues I usually just cave to the dark side. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be happy and healthy inside and out and I want to let toxic people just roll off of me. Especially because I live in a toxic city and I work in a very toxic environment. I don't think anyone is reading this blog, but on the slim chance I'm wrong, if anyone has any tips I would love to hear them.