Nanu Nanu

I woke up this morning and first thing I heard was that Robin Williams has committed suicide. I can't even fully describe how I feel. Robin Williams has been in my life one way or another for my whole life, making me laugh, and sometimes cry. I knew that he had some issues with drugs, and alcohol back in the day, but had been clean and sober for many years. I remember a few months ago TMZ (a guilty pleasure) reported that he had gone back into rehab to "keep his sobriety". It's not like you hear about him being out of control or starting problems, so I kind of thought good for him, and didn't really give it another thought. I dated a comedian years ago, and he got the comedy and tragedy faces tattooed on his forearm, and he was definitely very intelligent and hilarious, but he had a dark side as well. There are numerous quotes about how the funniest people are often the saddest, and most damaged. I know for myself I almost always make light of things that deep down are really hurting me, and I rarely let anyone know the extent of my unhappiness. So of course someone as energetic and hilarious as Robin Williams this is unbelievable.
I don't know what we can do to help people, because the bottom line is depression is real, and not everyone wants to be medicated, and quite frankly I myself have many horrible experiences with psychiatrists and medication, and I know a large number of people who are on anti-depressants who are still just so unhappy and miserable, so it's like why are you putting that crap in your body. And I have been saying this forever but this world is not for the sensitive.
I wonder what the suicide rates would be if we all practiced compassion. I wonder what the statistics of drug use and violence would be if we all practiced kindness. When someone famous kills themselves, it gets talked about and talked about, but I notice that we never discuss what can actually be done to make the world a kinder place.
It is so sad to me that someone who worked hard to make us laugh and feel good, felt so little joy himself that he felt he couldn't take this life anymore.
Today I'm grateful for all the laughs Robin Williams has given me through the years. I wish I could have given you a hug and said thank you in person, and told you that you really mattered.
RIP Robin Williams