Yesterday was exactly one week since the second worst day of my life. My heart was so heavy all day, and today it's worse. Mornings are the worst. Chunk always wakes me up in the morning. He is very timely when it comes to meals, and he wants breakfast when he wants breakfast. I never get irritated with him, cause he's so damn cute. So, my morning starts with a lot of litter box clean-up, meal time, followed by a round of string while I brew my tea. After my first cup of tea, we move on to treats, followed by more string. That's every morning of my life. Waking up to nothing is so freaking hard. And I have to keep it together at my job, especially because I'm new, and I'm trying to not drive Derek insane with constant crying and all that, but it's so hard. I miss them, and I can't stand that I can't let them know that I'm working on getting them back. They must be so scared and confused, and hurt.
As I've been sharing stories of each cat, it's been amazing, eye opening, and also sad because every picture reminds me of the moments they were taken, and I just want to go back in time. I knew that I loved them, and I knew how much they meant to me, but really taking the time to talk about them individually has really made me realize they meant than I even knew. The ENTIRE time I lived in Erie, they were the only things in my life that made me feel loved, safe, and happy. Any smiles I owe to them.
I hate walking through Derek's front door. Where is my welcoming committee? I don't know how people live without a furry friend. I used to love grocery shopping. Not when the store is crowded of course, but when things are calm, I could spend hours is a grocery. Now, I hate it. How do I shop without needing cat food and litter? I don't even want to cook, because how can I cook without Animal supervising, Joan and Kanye jumping on the counter and getting in my way, and Stevie and Chunk circling my feet?
Even though things are looking up, and I have gotten so much love and support, and my GoFundMe page is doing great, I'm scared. I have to come up with some kind of covert mission to get my cats back. You're only legally allowed three cats in this city, so I need to find people to help me. People who will adopt my some of my kitties, but by paper only. Kind of like my adoptive parents, they are family on paper only. And I have to pray I find an apartment that will rent to me without a cosigner. I know this all can be done, I mean look at all that's been done already. Last week at this time I was thinking about how I was going to die. But it's all still a daunting task, and I'm scared and sad, and I just want my kitties back.
Telling people to not get evicted is kind of a silly thing to say, because no one wants to get evicted, and it certainly isn't something you try to do, but seriously, rob a bank if you have to. The lady who works in the office of my old apartment building said it's easier to rent an apartment if you're a criminal than if you have an eviction on your record. I would think they'd be a little more lenient or understanding in a city like Seattle where it is sooooooo expensive. So, next week I'm going to start the ball rolling in my search, because it's going to take some time.
This is the first time I've faced something like this without Dylan, or later on the rest of the crew. It's so hard. But when I feel like I'm starting to succumb to my depression, I think of my kitties and I make myself stay strong.
Tomorrow I'll be back with another getting to know my kitties post. I'm sorry for the downer of a post, especially because kindness is coming out in full force, and it is so appreciated. It's just that I'm so sad this morning, and I have to go to work so I had to express how I feel so I can turn this frown upside down or something like that.
I know I'm going to get my family back. I have to. This isn't right, and I have to believe all the kindness and support I'm getting is a sign that I will accomplish this.