Before I explain the reason for my absence, I just wanted to express my rage and sadness over the recent murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. If you are a human being and watched either video and don't see it as murder, I have no words for you. After living in Erie, I am more aware than ever how much racism still exists in our society. I don't know what the answer is, because racism runs deep, it's a hatred that has been passed down and taught. It's up to everyone who sees this as a problem to speak up.
This is going to be my last blog post. I didn't want to just disappear with no explanation, I always worry when people do that. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write except for when I lost Dylan. Today is July eighth and as of the twelfth I have nowhere to live. My lease is up, and I don't have money to renew it, or even stay another month. I have nowhere to go, and I am going to lose everything, including my cats. I don't even know how I'm breathing or typing this right now. I am the biggest piece of shit. I don't even care what happens to me, it's my cats. I let them down. I moved to a city that is super expensive, and I don't have a career. I just work at shitty low paying jobs and I should have known better. I thought I was dying in Erie, but yet now I know that this feeling is so much worse. Need less to say, I will never be the same person again. I can't imagine ever wanting to write about what food I eat again. Hell, I can't imagine eating again. Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments, I've had other things going on. The worst part is that I have no shoulder to lean on, and my cats have been so sweet and extra loving, and I've let them down so horribly. I've hated myself a million times over in my life, but nothing compares to how I feel now.
I want to tahnk everyone who has read my blog, especially those who have read it from the beginning. This blog and my cats have been the only things that have kept me afloat.
Don't ever take your home for granted. I've lost my home too many times and it is the most helpless feeling in the world. When you get behind financially, there just comes a point when you can't get out.
It was amazing knowing everyone, even if it was online.