Hello

 I can't believe I stopped blogging. Blogging was something that I enjoyed doing. It was a commitment I was proud to keep. It also got me through some very lonely times when I lived in Erie,Pa. 

Moving from Seattle to SLC UT has really taken a toll on me. I tried to continue blogging, but my life became so unhappy I simply didn't have the energy to put on a happy face. I also didn't want to post nothing but negative, complaining content. 

I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to blogging regularly. My life is still extremely unhappy. My soul is pretty crushed. I used to be someone who woke up pretty happy, as the day progressed that would usually change. But I treasured those early morning moments of happiness. Now as soon as I open my eyes unhappiness hits me like a strong slap in the face, 

2024 was a very bad year for me. I had fibroids that were so bad they blocked my bladder. The doctor said one of them was one of the biggest he's seen. I had to have a full hysterectomy shortly after. I was laid off of my job right before the surgery, and fell into a massive depression. I've lived with depression for my whole life. This was one like I've never seen. I lost all sense of reality. I just shifted into a numb feeling of existence. I've fallen behind on rent and need to get caught up fast. In the whole time I've lived here I have made zero friends. I gave up about two years ago. Whatever job I have I'm friendly with coworkers but that's it. I have no couch to surf on. I don't want my cats to go to a shelter. 

My friend from Seattle started a gofundme as a last and only resort. I have zero relationship with my family so reaching out to them as fallen on deaf ears. I'm so unhappy. I don't care about myself, i want my cats to not rot in a shelter. My friend stated the gfm because a couple of months ago I lost my wallet and I've been too poor to get a replacement. It's that bad. Like I said, I have just lost my mind. I'm trying to get my life back together. 

If anyone reads this and can donate or even share it would mean the world. I have been able to oversome drinking, smoking cigarettes, eating disorder. But financial ruin is something that always follows me. 

Thank you for reading and here is a link if anyone can help. 

https://gofund.me/60aa07fc