Hello Take Two

 I have all but given up on everything. I have gone through my share of hard times, but I always had hope that I would be able to make things better in some way. I had dreams and beliefs that at some point they would have to. As long as I kept trying. Trying to do better, be better. In my life I had an eating disorder for over fifteen years but eventually overcame. I smoked cigarettes for many years, it took like a million tries but I quit. I went through a good decade of heavy drinking. Like I'm talking a case or more of beer a day. Every single day of the week. Quit, cold turkey. I've admitted toxic traits I have to myself and worked hard to stop those and improve. I'm still very much a work in progress, I'm just saying that I have been able to overcome and accomplish some things in my life. But Poverty is just something that I have never been able to escape. 

I moved to SLC to try and find a way out. Unfortunately my rent has just about doubled. Wages have not. So, now I'm in a city I hate and haven't been able to pull myself out of anything. As a matter of fact, I'm in worse condition. Each year that's gone by I've gotten more and more hopeless. When you lose hope, you don't just wake up one day with no hope. It chips and cracks away over time. Each day a small amount of your light gets blown out. Until one day you wake up feeling like the most dead inside version of yourself. In my case I've just let everything go. I can't live with this much loneliness and financial insecurity anymore. So, I stopped living. I've now put my cats in jeopardy. They are seniors, I don't want them to rot in a shelter. I watched them being born. They don't deserve this. I hate myself. 

If anyone out there reads this and can donate or even share the link to my gofundme it would mean the world. I have nothing of value to sell, I have reached out to any social service and church, estranged family everything. Thank you. 

https://gofund.me/5dc50b25