This was a very rough week for me. It was hard to finish out Mofo not just because of how I felt, but because I just pretty much didn't eat for about five days. A few times I tried to eat, but it just wasn't happening. Yesterday I told myself I needed to get a grip. I try to set a limit on how long I allow myself to "lose it". I once knew a woman who was a hoarder. Her house was truly like a house of horrors. It smelled, there was stuff and trash everywhere, you really couldn't tell a difference. It was normal for her, she would invite people over and everything! I once asked her how it had happened, and she said one day she became depressed, and now all these years later here she is. It was very sad. I have never forgotten those simple words of one day I let things go, and now here I am. Ever since then, when faced with a major hurt, I let myself have a little time, but then it's back to normal, as much as it can be. So yesterday I pulled myself together, cleaned my place, cleaned myself, and faced the world. And I didn't die, or end up losing it on the bus! Isn't it funny how sometimes that's how it feels? Like the mundane tasks of life might actually kill you?
I made some pretty awesome green chili burritos for my first meal post break-up. It was soothing comfort food, and it hit the spot!
Something else I did last night before I went to bed was clean up my YouTube subscriptions. I was subscribed to a lot of the Raw til four, very health conscience channels, and I find they no longer serve me, and some of them actually make me feel negative emotions when I watch. I know that everyone promotes veganism differently, and I think that is great. We have a lot of people to reach, and everyone is different. But I am not their audience. It feels so great to have freed that space in my head. I don't want vegans to become so divided that nothing gets done. We don't want to be like the government. I want to save animals, not bicker with and get upset over the vegan, body and food police.
Hopefully this coming week will be a good one, and someone will hire me without a Mc or burger in front of their name! I'm going to Trader Joe's for a few cheap groceries, so I will have a haul tomorrow. I'm trying something new, I am writing somewhat of a menu plan, and making my list based on that. I've heard too many people say this really helps save money. I'll try anything once, and saving money is kind of important right now, but it's sooo tedious to plan so much. Anyway, we'll see if it was worth it!