Dear Diary

Good news for anyone interested, Fit on Raw now has her curry hummus recipe on her YouTube channel! And also she has a video for her wraps, using the hummus. I must say I'm pretty impressed with myself, I was pretty close. I can't wait to make it using her recipe! I might even double the recipe.
I'm feeling blue today, as I always do on Fridays, as I have to work in the alleged restaurant tonight. I've never had the pleasure of working in a vegan or vegetarian restaurant. I used to be better at handling my guilt of serving something I am so morally against.I've worked   at restaurants where I would be fired for saying that I don't eat meat, so in some cases I've gone along and said oh, the steak is good, or so on and so forth. I don't really know how I made it okay in my head, other than the fact alcohol might have helped. I find that drinking heavily on a regular basis makes it easy to justify things. Anyway, for whatever reason, I just can't find a way to justify it anymore, other than needing the income. I love nothing more than inspirational stories of people switching careers and finding true joy. I live for those stories actually, inspiring stories and TMZ sometimes help me keep my sanity. I'm working so hard to become my own inspiring story, but the harsh reality is when you don't have a degree, there are not very many ways to go up that I can think of. I have such a hard time serving these people meat. I hate the smell, the look, and I hate people talking about what used to be living as food. And the food waste. Please don't get me started on the waste. I shudder at the thought of how many animals die for no effing reason other than to get thrown away. It is unforgiveable as far as I'm concerned. And nothing makes the job more worth it than the $ 2.83 cents an hour I have the luxury of earning. The excessive use of animal products that some Americans feel they need to live is just absolutely insane. You know those weird travel shows that show gross restaurants that are proud of their heart attack inducing food? Well, it's kind of like that where I live and work. I realized awhile ago that even the people who aren't hicks are hicks here. I no longer hide my veganism, although I'm not very in your face, if someone asks how something is, I simply say I don't eat meat, so I don't know. The alleged restaurant where I work has plastic table cloths and pays a chef way more money than I'll ever make to prepare instant mashed potatoes, so I'm not sure what kind of critique they expect, but whatever. I don't know how much longer I have it in me, but the choices are slim for us college of life people.
I've really babbled on and on when I thought I had nothing to say. Not having anyone to talk to or vent to has kind of made me turn into a teenage girl, and this blog is what my diary used to be! Even though I'm sure it might not make you feel better to read, I sure do feel better after writing(typing)