Compassion is something that I believe in practicing, and something that I preach, and definitely something I think the world needs more of. So I have been feeling like a real hypocrite, because I can't find any compassion in my heart for these hateful people I've experienced who use the n word. Sometimes when people are dropping off their dog to get groomed, and I hear them talking to the owner, I can just tell by the manner of the conversation that they are hate filled people as well. I can now call myself an "expert" at identifying people full of bigotry. In case anyone is wondering, I never wanted to be an expert in that field. I feel that if I wish these people would have compassion and tolerance in their hearts, I should have that in my heart for them but I'm sorry I try so hard and I just can't. Even though I'm sure this kind of ignorance is taught, and learned and blah, blah, blah, I just can't with these people. I guess I have to own my hypocrisy, because in my heart of hearts I don't feel like they deserve my compassion. They deserve each other, and all of the Walmarts and Mcdonalds, and Olive Gardens that make for the heart and soul of this pit. Oh, and I can't forget all the corner bars on literally every corner of every street, they deserve those also.
I moved here with my boyfriend at the time, and we have since broken up, and the lucky bastard that he is has moved back to Seattle. He wanted me to move back also, but I would have had to give up my cats to do so, and I could not and would not do that. When I look back on our relationship, it was not healthy, however I sometimes wonder how it would have been different if we didn't live here. It was a huge culture shock for both of us, and we were both so unhappy, that we couldn't really comfort each other, and I think we took a lot of our unhappiness out on each other. And although he was able to make a few casual work friends (bonding over video games) neither one of us were able to make any true friends, so it was just problem on top of problem. I wish we could have been better friends to each other.
This has just been one long rant, and I'm sorry but I woke up feeling full of fear because it's Monday, and that means I have to be around people, and that means I'm going to hear more things that make me lose faith in humanity. 'Murica ain't she pretty?
Cute kitten update: Robin is now sleeping in bed with me at night! I caught him Saturday and Sunday night! He is really fitting in. Even though these little wankers are really holding me back, they brighten my life at the same time. They are the only things that love me in this city that's for sure!
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