Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Every Little Step

Lots of things to remember!
That is the wall facing my desk. I write down books I need to read, movies I need to see, quotes I need to remember, and things I need to learn more about. It used to drive my ex-boyfriend absolutely crazy, but I like my wall of Post-its! I feel comforted by them in some strange way. I came across a note I wrote that says Let go of the old, to make room for the new. I needed to read that today. I just did some yoga focusing on opening the hips, and it stirred up and loosened some emotions that I was clearly storing in my hips.  It's springtime, and it's finally getting warm enough to open our windows, and let in some fresh air! All this fresh air has put me in a reflective mood, and I see how important it is to let things go. You have to let go of old habits, ways of thinking, sometimes even people in order to make room for new habits, thoughts, and people. Next month it will be a year since I have really been seriously searching for health, and inner happiness. I still have so far to go, but I also have come very far. It's hard to let go of old habits, and ways of thinking. And change can be very scary. In addition to all of that, you have to be really patient with yourself. I'm still working on that one. But feeling good feels so much better than feeling like poo. I seriously don't know how I lived the way I used to. There were days on end where I existed on coffee, cigarettes, and beer, in that order for days. And I thought I was feeling okay. You get used to feeling bad, and bad becomes your normal. I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I'm also not down there anymore either. If you are working on yourself, be patient. It doesn't come overnight, that's for sure, but it does happen, and what i'm learning is if you really pay attention, you learn a lot of little mini-lessons, as extra credit. For example, a side lesson I'm learning is to be more patient with myself. In being more patient with myself, I'm learning patience with other people. And my body may not be as lean as I would like, but as someone who once had a toxic relationship with food, I'm learning how to use food to give my body what it needs, to love it, not use it to abuse myself.  These are just some examples of the wonderful things I'm learning, and it feels amazing.
I thought of this song while typing, hence the title. Dancing definitely produces endorphins!

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