Nanu Nanu

I woke up this morning and first thing I heard was that Robin Williams has committed suicide. I can't even fully describe how I feel. Robin Williams has been in my life one way or another for my whole life, making me laugh, and sometimes cry. I knew that he had some issues with drugs, and alcohol back in the day, but had been clean and sober for many years. I remember a few months ago TMZ (a guilty pleasure) reported that he had gone back into rehab to "keep his sobriety". It's not like you hear about him being out of control or starting problems, so I kind of thought good for him, and didn't really give it another thought. I dated a comedian years ago, and he got the comedy and tragedy faces tattooed on his forearm, and he was definitely very intelligent and hilarious, but he had a dark side as well. There are numerous quotes about how the funniest people are often the saddest, and most damaged. I know for myself I almost always make light of things that deep down are really hurting me, and I rarely let anyone know the extent of my unhappiness. So of course someone as energetic and hilarious as Robin Williams this is unbelievable.
I don't know what we can do to help people, because the bottom line is depression is real, and not everyone wants to be medicated, and quite frankly I myself have many horrible experiences with psychiatrists and medication, and I know a large number of people who are on anti-depressants who are still just so unhappy and miserable, so it's like why are you putting that crap in your body. And I have been saying this forever but this world is not for the sensitive.
I wonder what the suicide rates would be if we all practiced compassion. I wonder what the statistics of drug use and violence would be if we all practiced kindness. When someone famous kills themselves, it gets talked about and talked about, but I notice that we never discuss what can actually be done to make the world a kinder place.
It is so sad to me that someone who worked hard to make us laugh and feel good, felt so little joy himself that he felt he couldn't take this life anymore.
Today I'm grateful for all the laughs Robin Williams has given me through the years. I wish I could have given you a hug and said thank you in person, and told you that you really mattered.
RIP Robin Williams

Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar flavor Squares

Earth Balance has really been making some amazing snacks lately. I was at my local co-op on Saturday stocking up on bulk goods, and on my way to check out I noticed that they are now carrying the Cheddar flavor squares made by Earth Balance! I couldn't resist I grabbed two boxes! Normally I would never buy two of anything on the pricier side, especially something that I've never tried, but I've had so much success with all of the other goodies they make I felt like living on the edge. Well my risk paid off with these amazing crackers! One thing that I really like about all of the Earth Balance snacks I've tried so far is they are not as greasy as the non-vegan versions. It has been a million years since I've had  a Cheese It, or a Nip, but one thing I remember is how greasy they were. I remember that if I ate too many, my stomach would hurt from the grease. The E B cheddar squares look like an it or nip, maybe a little less nuclear orange, but still right away that familiar look is there. And they are crunchy, cheesy and salty, all the things you want in a cheddar square! I thought that the cheddar style chips were my fave so far, but I think the squares have taken over!! They have done such an amazing job of capturing that cheesy flavor, without the weird aftertaste that some vegan cheesy products can have. The Earth Balance snacks are on the pricier side( for me anyways) so it's a treat when I get these, but so far every splurge has been well worth it. Just like with their chips, I feel if you put these squares out in a bowl with some non-vegan peeps, I don't think anyone would think these are vegan. I could not be happier about these snacks, not only for us vegans, but for everyone. I feel that vegan food is becoming so effing delicious, that it is truly getting harder and harder to use taste as an excuse for cruelty.
If you can't find these where you live, if you happen to have a co-op, ask them to carry these. That is what I did. The co-op where I live is pretty good about stocking things that customers ask for. And although there are definitely some ingredients that look scary, I feel that they can't be too bad because natural food co-ops are pretty picky about ingredients.
Even though my gratitude challenge is over, today I am grateful for Earth Balance. Every company who is working hard to make delicious vegan food is really working hard to end cruelty in my opinion and for that I am eternally grateful.

Gold Star for Me

Today is the last day of my twenty -one day challenge to rewire my brain to be happy by recalling three things I'm grateful for every day. I can't say that I feel an overwhelming surge in happiness, but I notice that I do feel a little extra skip in my step as I'm walking to work. So I guess my feeling is that it wasn't some huge change, but more of a little daily nudge towards happiness. The fact that on a daily basis I can think of three things to be grateful for is very humbling. I wonder when it became not okay to be grateful for what we have, when it shifted to never being happy, and always needing more. I feel like the fight and struggle to keep up and get more is causing so much damage. And I've noticed that it's a lot of times people with more possessions that are some of the unhappiest. It must be so frantic constantly trying to have enough, or be enough. And I would imagine empty.
I really recommend this challenge. Especially if your going through any kind of emotional struggle. For me the timing of this challenge was perfect as I am really struggling this month with feelings of deep sadness, and loneliness, and I was struggling. But as day after day went by, and I was able to come up with three things every day it kind of put things into perspective.
Today for the last day of the challenge, I am grateful for 1) clean drinking water 2) the beautiful sun which always cheers me up 3) the fact that not only do I have food to eat, but I have different foods to choose from!!!
If you decide to try this challenge, good luck! It is actually easy and very fulfilling.

Stray Cat Strut

There is a feral cat who lives in my neighborhood who I have been feeding for over two years. He still hisses good morning to me and I have accepted our relationship. I named him Al, as that name is fitting for a grumpy man. Somehow he lived through this horrible winter we had last year. There were days that school was cancelled due to temperatures, not snow! I cried the first time I saw Al this spring. I put food out all winter, but I didn't see him at all, and I wasn't sure who was eating the food. I spent many winter days crying for Al, I just can't imagine being outside. And all I could think was what an awful way to die, freezing and starving to death. So I am just amazed by Al's strength, and amazing will to live, and I am so happy I got to meet him, and that I am able to feed him. And I really miss starting my day off with a hiss when I don't see him! I have thought about trying to get a pet in, but his eyes let me know that he his not afraid to cut me. Al is amazing, and he has as much of a right to live as anyone else, and I am glad that although he won't let me try to find shelter for him, I can at least provide food for him.
Today I am grateful for 1) All of the Als of the world 2) The bodies amazing ability to heal itself  3)All the clean drinking water I want.
Have a great Friday!

It's a Hard Knock Life

Since I've been working at the grooming shop, I've noticed how very few plain old "mutts" I've washed, and how many "pure bred" dogs I've washed. It seems like they are coming up with more and more combos, like now they are mixing poodles and Shih Tzus and calling them Shih-poo? Don't get me wrong they are so cute I could die, and please goldendoodles had me at hello. But where are the ethics in mixing all these combos, when there are so many homeless animals already. I always ask the shop owner what kind of dogs I'm washing, because growing up I was more of a getting a dog from a shelter kind of girl, so I am not knowledgeable on the fancy expensive dogs. I can think of  maybe five dogs since I've worked there that have been from shelters. The rest have been fancy, bought from wherever you buy such dogs. I don't think puppy mills have gotten much exposure in these parts, because anytime I have mentioned the word, I get a lot of blank stares. I just feel sad because I can't think of a single way that animals haven't suffered because of humans. When I mentioned to the shop owner that I think it's sad to see so many dogs in shelters, her response was "people want what they want, like me, I love Shelties." Well that's fine, but these aren't inanimate objects, these are living things who have feelings and most importantly, THEY MATTER TOO!
I am so over the arrogance of humans, and our need to control everything and make a profit off of everything. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if animals ran things, we would not be treated the way we have treated them.
I know for myself that every single animal I have ever adopted from a shelter has been so awesome, and I have taken in many kitties off of the street, and likewise I have nothing but good things to say. As a matter of fact, one of my kitties I have now, the momma kittie is so loving and sweet that I'm always telling her I can't believe she was homeless and living under a van! I have been blabbing to anyone who will listen about how shelters need help, and shelter animals are amazing, and on and on. I really hope someone hears me and tries. The thought of all these animals in shelters living in cages, and just wanting to make someone happy is heartbreaking. There are people who spend THOUSANDS of dollars on these fancy dogs, and then they are hardly allowed to be dogs, because when you are that expensive, your supposed to be "fancy" even though you are a dog, and you really want to play, and find some butts to sniff.  So that kind of life is probably also just a different kind of cage.
Please spread the positive word if you have had wonderful experiences with pet adoption, whether from a shelter, or the "streets", because it is a message that needs to be spread, and then spread again, and then we have to do some more spreading.
Today I am grateful for 1)perfectly ripe bananas 2)Clean drinking water 3) my mish mash of felines from every walk of life who make me happy.

Beauty Can be Cheap!

I wanted to kind of retouch on what I was going on about yesterday, Minimalism! More specifically using little or no hair and skin products. It has now been easily three or four months since I stopped using traditional shampoo and conditioners. I have been washing my hair with baking soda, which by the way I also use to wash my face, and then I condition my hair with apple cider vinegar diluted with water. My hair has never felt better, and I could be imagining it, but I swear my hair feels thicker! And it is noticeably shinier! It is such a relief to not have to budget shampoo and conditioner into my life. It really used to stress me out when money is so tight, because if you want non-toxic, organic hair and skin products, it does not come cheap. It's unfair in my opinion that organic and non-toxic are luxuries, and us poors have to deal with all the carcinogens. So now I laugh in the face of corporate America and celebrate the diy hippie in me. I cannot recommend using this method enough.
I have also been using coconut oil as a skin moisturizer for almost a year now and I cannot put into words the improvement of my skin. My skin stays soft, even after this past brutal winter that the east coast had. I look for sales, but even when it's not on sale, I spend maybe seven or eight dollars and it lasts me months. It lasts way longer than any lotion I have ever bought.
I think that when you are eating healthy, and giving your body what it needs from the inside, it's easier to give it what it needs on the outside too. I truly think it is unfair that organic everything is so expensive. So it's nice to know these little inexpensive ways to make yourself pretty, or handsome.
Today I am grateful for 1)diy beauty choices 2) clean drinking water 3) the peace and stillness of the early morning.

Veganism = Minimalism

I was thinking about minimalism and veganism and how they go together, and one makes the other easier. When I first started becoming a minimalist, I was a vegetarian, and I was kind of forced to become a minimalist, due to lack of money to buy anything extra. I didn't really even look at it as minimalism, I thought of it as being broke, poor, destitute, they all could have applied at certain points. It wasn't really until I became vegan that I really started thinking about my impact on this world, and that I could try my best to always make kind choices.
I believe that veganism is a compassionate choice, and even if people are vegan solely for health reasons, I think that you naturally start to care more about your impact. Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope I'm right.
I was listening to some news programs over the weekend, and one was talking about different corporations with terrible worker's rights policies, and I am proud to say that I don't go to any of them. If your curious, the places mentioned were Wal-Mart, Burger king, Mcdonalds, and Target. I personally have been boycotting Wal-Mart for years now after hearing a million horrible stories about their practices. As far as I know, there really isn't anything good about Wal-Mart, but hearing that about Target was a little bit of a surprise. I think I've spent money at a Target maybe five times in my whole life, so it's pretty easy for me to cross that company off of my list.
I think if more people wandered into thrift stores they would be amazed! I know that I was. It's hard for me to admit but there was a time where I had tons of clothes, all new, and was constantly buying more clothes, and the thought of used was, well let's just say not really a thought. And I was always trying out new makeup, lotions, shampoos, conditioners,etc. I look at that time as a dark time. I was also heavily into bingeing an purging, and smoking cigarettes, and just unhealthy inside and out. None of that stuff or behavior made me happy, nor did it fill any holes in my heart. I kind of feel that it made more holes in my heart as I made many poor dating choices, so I suffered some broken hearts as well, and just all around nothing good, and I know I was only thinking of myself at the time.
As all of my rants have shown, I am clearly still searching for happiness, but not being such a self absorbed asshole has really helped. I don't have that shaky, sweaty what can I buy, eat, drink, to feel better. I'm being active in my own life, and trying to figure out what I can do to change the things I need to change. And when I do need clothes, I love rocking the thrift store duds. I like knowing that I'm not going to see a million people wearing the same thing. And a thrift store tip I'm sure most people know is go to a thrift store in a "ritzier" part of your city, as it never ceases to amaze me what wealthy people deem as no good.
This post was my fiftieth post which for me is huge. I am braving through the fear of TOTAL DORKINESS! That's really why I babbled on about minimalism, and veganism because for me, those are the two messages I want to spread the most. I think no matter how anyone feels on the topic, it's hard to argue that we need to start cutting down on consumption, and we vote with our dollars more than anything else, so it's important to be making the gentlest, kindest choices possible.
Today I am Grateful for fingers to type with, the beautiful sun that warmed my face yesterday, and the clean water I have access to all day.

This Blog is a Work in Progress

So I wanted to give a little update on my quest to learn more about improving my blog. When I lived in Seattle, I had a plethora of friends who would have easily taught me what I need to learn. Unfortunately, I don't have a plethora of friends where I live now. And as far as the person who I asked awhile ago, he is a person who drinks a lot, and kind of all day, so I don't want to take my laptop to a smoky bar and try to learn something from a half drunk man who I don't even know that well.
So I figured I would teach myself, and that just hasn't worked out yet, mainly because it is summertime. This past winter on the east coast seriously traumatized me, so when the sun is out, I will be on my little deck in the sun, with a book and a big glass of stinging nettle iced tea, not inside trying to teach myself how to upload a "pic". And lately also my mind is very much on coming up with a game plan to move. Actually manifesting a way to move is my number one priority.
Once fall comes, I'm sure I will start becoming more studious. I'm pretty smart, and I do like to learn, and I definitely like to look at pictures of food porn, and I would like to add my own pornographic images to my blog. So probably in about thirty days I will be taking myself back to school so to speak. But I do really appreciate anyone who reads my words with no pictures!
Today I am grateful for 1) summertime vegetables 2) clean drinking water 3) my health.

Balance

I have one more week of my Gratitude challenge. Last week was a very emotionally draining week for me, but man I still had three things to be grateful for every day! I think maybe that can help balance out the rest of the day. I think I'm going to start reminding myself of what I have to be grateful for before I fall asleep, as well as in the a.m.. I think in all my ranting last week, I realized that I don't feel a real balance in my life right now, and last week it was coming to a head and  I felt dangerously close to just drinking my problems away. But the problems don't go away, either does the pain, the problems and the pain actually get worse, your just too out of it and miserable to notice.
I feel today that all I really want to say is that  I am grateful to be grateful. In this moment right now I feel a peace that was lacking in the rest of my days this week. If I weren't able to get a grip, I would be pacing, desperately trying to find a way to fill the void. So today I am lucky to be grateful, and if you have a safe place to call home, and food, and clean drinking water, you have three things to be grateful for yourself.
Here's to focusing on positivity and change!

Grateful to Leave

I read a quote the other day that said three solutions to every problem: Accept it change it or leave it. I feel that definitely is something I need to keep repeating to myself. I cannot accept the attitude of stank in this city, and as much as I want believe change is possible for  anyone I also know that you have to want to change, and I just don't see that happening here. So I have to leave it. I have to get extremely creative in how I can move myself and my fur babies. If it were just me I would have been gone so long ago. I just know that I am at the end of my rope. I truly understand that not everyone is going to feel the way I do about life in general, and we all have different values and beliefs. I feel that I am extremely open minded, and I love learning, and discovering, and changing. As a matter off fact, even in Seattle I knew very few vegans, and it was fine. But I do have a problem with racism and hunting, and a general hatred for anything that isn't typical white bread Christian American. And because my skin happens to be white, random people I don't even know feel that they have a kindred racist spirit and spit their rants onto me, assuming I will be adding to the " discussion". Seriously this has happened when I was doing my laundry. The laundry attendant went on a hate filled rant and she was disgusting! I felt depressed the rest of the day. And really, isn't  having to go to a Laundromat already kind of a day spoiler? I also have various co-workers who feel it's okay to spill their nasty views. It truly is too much for me to handle. The owner of the grooming shop is the only person I have talked to in this city who has not shown any signs of racism, and quite frankly my guard is up even with her, because I have been caught off guard so many times.
It feels like I will never get anywhere on my own personal path to inner peace and happiness because I already have issues with the human race, and being surrounded by hate, and people who have so much ,yet bitch and moan about every little thing, and hate anything that isn't white is not helping with that problem. You need to have balance in life, and things are very unbalanced  for me here.
So I have to leave it. I am seriously considering saving up for some kind of van/rv kind of thing. I could easily drive myself and my fur family anywhere and bonus, could live in it for awhile till we find a real home!If anyone has any other ideas feel free to let me know, as the more ideas the better because seriously I need to bust out of this joint. I seriously feel like if George Zimmerman and Donald Sterling needed a safe place to live free of ridicule, they should come here.
Onto Gratitude. 1) I am grateful that I am able to safely drink all the tap water I want. 2) I'm grateful I can walk down the street without the fear of bombing, or kidnapping, or any other crime of war. 3) I'm grateful that I am able to freely express my feelings, even if it is on the good old interwebz.